Brand New

It's been exactly two years since The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me. Where is my new album?!?!?!?!?

Brandon Spikes on Jimmy Buffett

"That was my first time ever hearing of him. Somebody told me he sang Margarita-something."

Socialism for Dummies

I love how they never explain where the money comes from (ridiculous taxes), or that the "single-payer" is the government. Ask somebody in Saskatchewan how that socialized medicine is treating them. It's awesome.

http://www.grahamazon.com/sp/what.php

I seriously hope people aren't foolish enough to buy into this crap, after we've already nationalized the banks and the auto industry. Don't let me down, citizenry. We've let this situation get way too far out of hand. If they aren't total nutbags, vote for the fiscal conservatives tomorrow.

Real World?

What I bought at the store yesterday:

Keystone Light 30pk
Flying Monkey Four Finger Stout 6pk
Red Bull 4pk
$0.88 Suave Shampoo

The real world really is different from college. Now I can afford to buy Red Bull.

Big 12 Championship

This could be one of the coolest games this year. If OU and Mizzou can both get through the regular season undefeated, I'll be excited to see it. I would say right now, Chase Daniel wins the Heisman. Now that Tebow doesn't have to carry the team, no way he produces numbers like he did last year. And that's a good thing.

That said, I don't want OU to go undefeated. They're ranked above us, and we need to play SC in the championship. I'm looking forward to this season. We have #3 UGA in the Cocktail Party and #5 LSU at home. Just glad we don't have to play Auburn, after last night's game. They looked like a better squad than LSU, honestly.

In other news, we continue to get boned by the officials in the UT game. We still waxed that ass, but it's really starting to piss me off. Every year there are a number of bonehead calls in UT's favor, including the one a couple games back which cost us a game on a foul which should have been offsetting penalties, if any penalties at all.

The Big Ten ruins everything

Well, Ohio State got blown out when they played a real squad, as most of us expected. Boeckmann was a real turd at QB as he has showed in big games of the past, and OSU of course had a "key" player hurt for the game, as seems to be their style (think Ginn, Jr. in the NC a couple years ago).

Here's my problem. They're still #13. Once they navigate their patty-cake conference, they'll probably play in the national championship again. As-is, they're basically a shoe-in to win their conference and head to the Rose Bowl, where they'll play whatever lousy team finishes #2 in the one-team Pac. They'll win big, claim they're "back," and we will all have to listen to more bullshit about how OSU-Michigan is the most important game of the year. At least this year UM is a pushover, so the only game OSU has left is Penn State, who look good but not particularly tough.

What's my complaint? The Big Ten has gone from 2.5 actual teams that matter to 1.5 teams that matter, and they still garner oodles of national respect. Yet, when they play the more athletic teams from the southeast and west coast, they get dominated. While USC plays in a one-team conference, they are at least a solid team.

I guess this is just the usual SEC whining, but it's honestly true. Anyone who can win this conference with one loss or less should play in the BCS NC, no questions asked. Bottom line. From top to bottom, the SEC can kill you. One program is down for a year, another steps up. Hell, Vandy is even looking good.

Fall

It isn't Fall yet.

It feels like Fall.

I love Fall.

Political doublespeak

Politics make me want to puke. Here's an example.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=184086&title=sarah-palin-gender-card

Before you jump down my throat, I'm not attacking the republicans specifically. The dems would do the same when placed in the same situation. What disgusts me is the short memory of people who swallow this bullshit as gospel, and the "news" media that is attempting to promote some type of agenda.

Understood, your position on issues can change. Mine change all the time, as my life changes and the world changes around me. That doesn't excuse changing a position to prey on voter ignorance. Ethics, my friends, have no place in the world of politics. An ethical politician would be swallowed and spit out before you could say "Fox News." Hell, you probably couldn't even get through "CNN."

The two-party system needs to end. It bottles Americans into two groups. I don't fit into either one, because I'm not in favor of government mandated charity and I don't want government to push my religion on other citizens of a free country.

My solution? Four-dollar tall Red Foxes and shitty Lil Wayne songs.

Good Livin'

It feels like the Fall of 2006.

That was a great fucking year.

mixtape

I have put together the finest mixtape of all time. This is not, however, your father's mixtape. This is a compilation of the finest songs of all time which basically deal with the issue of being awesome. When I'm feeling down, I like to listen to these tunes and remember how awesome I am. And yes, I know we're a bit heavy on Brand New. Face it, they're fantastic.

Here we go.

1. Senses Fail - Bonecrusher: Starting things off hard and fast. "I've got romantic ideas, but they're not meant for you." In your face, bub.
2. Brand New - Seventy Times 7: This is really just angry. I should probably not have it on this mix tape. Oops
3. alexisonfire - side walks when she walks: If you don't dig the tune, love the timing changes, and the fact that the band has "alex" in their name. Or is it alexis?
4. Jimmy Eat World - Night Drive: The imagery is insane. It's a song that actually takes you somewhere.
5. Brand New - Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis: Kinda makes you feel like a douche just for listening. Sometimes, it's just one of those days.
6. Funeral for a Friend - All the Rage: From one of my favorite albums ever, this song brings us back from the slower previous two.
7. Bad Company - Feel Like Makin' Love: Stark contrast to the previous, and fairly self explanatory. Great, great song.
8. Taking Back Sunday - One-Eighty by Summer: "Go on, just say it. You need me like a bad habit."
9. Senses Fail - Choke on This: It's harsh. I guess the rest of the CD is too. Oops.
10. Cute is What We Aim For - Lyrical Lies: It's about being slick. Sort of.
11. Finch - Three Simple Words: No talent, no ability, but it sure gets you fired up.
12. Eagles - One of these Nights: Classic cool. Undeniable.
13. Brand New - Luca: The ending hits you in the face. Like something hitting you in the face. Hard.
14. Phil Collins - In the Air Tonight: Say what you will. Drive at night with this song blasting with all the windows down. Better yet, get a convertible. You will know what I'm talking about.
15. Brand New - ...my nine rides shotgun: It ends the mix. It's the ultimate badass song. It needs no introduction. It makes its own.

Let's note, when I say "badass," I'm referring to slick, cool, awesome. Not Metallica-mullet-Camaro-lots-of-noise-yeah.

Now get off of the internet and drive around with Phil Collins.

...my nine rides shotgun

and it's happened before
and it will happen again

Just for Men: Hair Product or Song Ruiner?

If there's one thing I hate, it's ads that take great songs and kill them. Everytime I see a "patriotic" commercial playing Fortunate Son, I sort of want to puke. Apparently people don't actually care what the song is about, but if you can take a few lines out of context and run Brett Favre around a cornfield you can sell some shitty jeans.

The latest example of advertising killing great music is this Just for Men commercial that plays Cream's Sunshine of Your Love. I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about. It features the douchey gray-haired guy with surfboard, who is later onstage making feeble pretend-guitar hand motions while his haggard fake-blonde, cougar-style girlfriend plays a tambourine. She's also not wearing nearly enough clothing.

I'm sure this commercial is effective, at least more so than the previous Just for Men campaigns which featured washed-up sports stars doing play-by-play as dirty old men hit on disproportionately hot young ladies. Of course, as soon as the guy dyes his beard the 22-year-old Victoria's Secret model immediately wants to get it on. It almost made me want to try out some Just for Men. That being said, don't murder a fantastic classic song with your crappy hair product for people who want to make it painfully obvious that they're getting old by dying their hair ever-so-slightly unnatural colors.

Sigh.

Go Gators

The University of Florida has more Olympic medals thus far than India. That's a country of more than a billion people.

Go Gators.

"New" Facebook: almost as awesome as New Coke

New Facebook sucks.

Now you're waiting for why I think it sucks.

You're out of luck.

Sometimes life throws you a curveball

Lucky I learned how to beat the shit out of a curveball when I was 13.

Acura

This is a fine example of a commercial being better than the product it's advertising. The TSX is a rebadged European Accord. Hardly a sports sedan, but certainly a competent ride. Anyway, I think they outdid themselves here. Mad props to RPA. Independent agencies rock my face off.

I'm #3! I'm #3

Yes, you read right folks. Searching for my own name now brings me up third on the internet. Ouch. Looks like I need to optimize. I'm behind a lame artist who doesn't even have the same name as me. Sheesh.



In other news, Google tells me that I can now purchase myself on eBay. I'm sort of excited.

It's time to drive a Ford...

...because Ford quality is now equal to that of Toyota!



Slogans get depressing when you're losing $12 billion a year

The Dark Knight

It was so awesome, it made me want to punch myself in the face. Unfortunately I did not have a face, because the movie had already rocked my face off. All the better, it was 4-dollar 32-ounce Amber Bock night at the Old Town Warren.

The "new" Batman series really appeals to me so much more than the old ones did. I'm not a big comic book/"graphic novel"/cartoon fan, so the original movies were a bit tedious for me. They really felt like they were teetering on the edge of splicing in comic balloons that said "BIFF" and "POW." The new ones actually treat the story as a plot, versus the caricature of the old ones. It makes for a much more involving and watchable movie, especially with the lack of Chris O'Donnell. No idea what happened to that dude, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, if you are the other person in America who hadn't seen this movie until now, go see it. You may not have a face when you leave, though.

Redistribution of wealth is for idealist hippies

Yeah, it is. Having just come from some ridiculous facebook page with talk of 9/11 being a hoax and evil corporations who are out to get us, I'd like to clear this up. Redistribution of wealth is what happens when the government takes the income that you have worked for and gives it to someone else, dividing all pieces of the pie into equal slices. Sounds great, doesn't it? Healthcare for all the children, food for all the mommies, top hats for all the daddies (or whatever it is dads are into in ideal-world).

Sure. It is great. Imagine that, no bums, no poverty, no starvation. The problem lies a bit deeper, though. Who's producing the food and the services to keep all of these people supplied with what they need? Well, the farmers don't bother to tend the crops today, because they don't feel like it and they'll get the same reward whether they deliver 20 bushels or 100 bushels. So, they deliver 20 bushels. The doctors suck, because if you're going to school for 8 years to get paid the same as a ditch-digger, you can bet your ass the smart guys are digging ditches.

The problem lies in ourselves. The ultimate goal, that is ingrained deep inside of each and every person, is to better their condition. Now, you're probably saying "Alex, you're dumb. The only reason we want to do that is because the evil corporations have turned us into a consumerist society." Bullshit. Consumerism is what happens when you move out of the cave and into society. Survival instinct tells you to gather food and supplies now, because the lean times are probably coming. When there are no lean times, we buy ridiculous crap like 60-inch television sets and 6 quarter-pounders with cheese. We know there aren't going to be lean times, but the little caveman deep down has no idea. He just wants to make sure we have accumulated enough stuff to make it.

This can be called greed. Greed is good. Greed drives even the most selfless among us in one way or another. Greed is why there is a polio vaccine. Greed is why Beethoven composed symphonies. Greed is why we have choices when we go to the store, and have affordable prices on the things we need and want. Greed is the invisible hand. Greed is what puts a scapel in the hand of a gifted surgeon rather than a shovel in his hand as he digs ditches. He makes more money. He puts food on his table. His basic needs are satisfied, but he's not. The little caveman says "what about the lean times?" So, he goes back to work, makes more money, and buys his little brat-children 60-inch TVs. He's not a mindless consumerist zombie controlled by the evil corporations, he's doing what humans have done since we existed.

This is where the problem lies. When we know that there is nothing out there to "gather," that all of our supplies will be provided to us no matter what, we have no motivation to provide utility for ourselves and society. Think about it logically. Are you going to go the extra mile if you know there's nothing in it for you? Are you going to dig 10 feet of ditch when you earn the same for 4 feet? You aren't, because the only way you have left to improve your condition is by doing less work. If you don't feel like doing less work, you can also take what others have. That's called stealing. Stealing is a type of crime. It tends to lead to a lot of other things that are not good, such as murder. It happens a lot when you're a communist or a socialist.

This seems harsh. You may think, but Alex, you're limiting opportunity to only a select few. Yes, yes I am. I'm limiting opportunity to those who can find ways to benefit society. They do that through providing the needs and wants of society, and society rewards them with money. It happens all the time. That being said, our system is imperfect and there are barriers to entry. That is bad, as it prevents new people from possibly developing a product which provides more utility for society, and limits opportunity. It is, however, still vastly superior to a socialist system in which there are opportunities for none.

What I'm describing is not the paranoid voodoo of Holocaust deniers, 9/11 conspiracy theorists or enemies of the evil corporations. This is really what happens. Look at Cuba. Look at the USSR. Look at North Korea. In an ideal world, wealth redistribution is great. In the world of the real, it ain't gonna work.

Collateral

Someday? Someday my dream will come? One night you will wake up and discover it never happened. It's all turned around on you. It never will. Suddenly you are old. Didn't happen, and it never will, because you were never going to do it anyway. You'll push it into memory and then zone out in your Barcalounger, being hypnotized by daytime TV for the rest of your life. Don't you talk to me about murder.

from throat and eyes
came winter and reason
and i'm told carry on
sad overwhelms
my senses drown
and i feel dependent
feeling that you are honestly gone
i can't shake it
make the same mistake twice
bursts of red to green all over me
freeze the things that you've loved
and i should let it fold over and over

so

does this go away?

No NBC, I have no idea why you're in last place.

Perhaps ingenious decisions such as this one are playing a role:

http://www.sportsline.com/collegefootball/story/10870993

I'm awesome.

It's true.

blogs are for 13 year old girls

don’t be waves
come to seal my fate, marine
just pretend
that you want me
and be my babe

:(

Dear CBS Executives,

http://finance.google.com/finance?chdnp=1&chdd=1&chds=1&chdv=1&chvs=maximized&chdeh=0&chdet=1209231272195&chddm=48875&q=NYSE:CBS&

Your 23.3% loss in value over the past 6 months is more than twice the industry average. Your elightened leadership and continuous dumping of huge volumes of personal stock are sure making your stockholders happy.

Keep up the great work.

Love,
Alex

Late Edit: http://www.themoneytimes.com/news/20080416/cbs_gives_moonves_a_28_percent_raise-id-1020396.html

Way to go, Les. You sure are earning it. $35 million a year is the only reasonable compensation for a guy leading his company to an unparalleled level of unmet expectations and incredible decline.

Reasons I love the South

The South rocks my face off. Here's a bulleted list.

• Sonny's BBQ is everywhere
• Grits
• Warmth
• Muddin'
• No one can park a car properly
• Girls whose daddies are colonels
• Sipping mint julips on verandas
• It's way more expensive to golf in the winter than it is in the summer
• Palmetto Bugs that are large enough to eat you
• Everyone still loves Lynyrd Skynyrd even though there's only a few original members in the band
• I can make fun of people for wearing ski jackets and fleece when it's still shorts weather
• Everyone finally stopped saying "Git 'er doooone"
• The SEC
• No Big Ten
• Bobby Bowden refuses to retire and as such continues to drag his program further into an academic quagmire and obscurity
• I saw a chicken run by outside a restaurant once

There's so much more, but I have to go finish this semester off now. Look forward to part 2.

The Internet: Serious Business

I am totally opposed to the internet.

The internet makes everyone sound like a fool. I cringe everytime I go to a party and hear someone talk about "Facebooking" someone else. What happened to actually getting someone's number? I fear that by the time I retire, all interpersonal interaction will take place via the Facebook. You'll send your buddy a facebook message to go the Facebook Lounge and e-cruise for ladies. After tossing back a few Facebook Martinis, maybe you'll have enough e-liquid courage to e-ask that girl you've been e-scoping all night out on an e-date to take place at the Facebook Denny's. If things go well, you'll have a Facebook application that blends pictures from your photo albums to generate pictures of your kids.

Mercy, Percy

Percy Harvin is having heel surgery:

http://www.sportsline.com/collegefootball/story/10760093

He's been playing hurt since high school. You've seen what he's done. Now he should be 100%. What does this mean? This means Timmy has someone other than himself to vote for this year.

Yeah, I said it.

My Blog is Useless

I have the worst blog in the world. Everyone has an insightful blog full of posts about intriguing industry trends. Mine has pictures of sandwiches talking about prepress.

This morning I got up to go to the bathroom and when I walked back into my room, I apparently stepped on something sharp because I started bleeding all over the place. I then spent 15 minutes on hands and knees attempting in vain to find said sharp object, but alas I was doomed to be unsuccessful. My search for the missing sharp object is like this blog. You spend a lot of time looking at it but you can't find the point.

I hope you got that pun. That was major wordcraft right there, folks.